Evicting Ungratefulness

Ungratefulness, bitterness, resentment – they become your acquaintances when life does not unfold the way you planned.  Having them around makes you feel suspicious and cynical when they whisper to you that you’ve suffered unjustly, that you are a victim of circumstances.    They keep you from seeking forgiveness and add difficulty to your relationships. When you’re not looking, they rob your joy.  They crave attention and invite others to their parties – pity parties.  

If you try to just ignore them, they do not naturally fade away.  If you don’t kick them out, they will set up house, get comfortable, and stay for as long as you let them.  They are exhausting company to keep.  If you cling to them, they will try to find a way to become your identity.  You become the things you are against.

Getting rid of them is no easy task. They are not just a single emotion or attitude that needs to be turned off.  If you kick them out, they will come back. 

But if you fill your house with other guests, there will be no room for them to stay.  Even better, you need to fill your house with guests that are incompatible to them. 

Gratitude – she becomes your acquaintance when you choose to see beyond the surface and see how God has led you to this moment through everything that has happened in the past, and with that is sending you into a future that is part of His plan if you yield to Him.  Gratitude will disintegrate the fatigue that comes from resentment and bitterness and move you forward to new possibilities, energizing you. 

Gratitude kicks out feelings of entitlement as you become aware of the abundance of gifts poured into your life.  With her around, you will see what you have as quickly as you see what you don’t have.  She helps you treasure and value other people just the way they are.  

And no matter what happens, if you allow gratitude to flow from the cross of Jesus into your life, you will be able to see that Jesus is the main house guest, changing your identity into something even more beautiful.  You will be able to keep Him near, no matter what happens, and gratitude is your friend that helps you along the way.

You get to choose your house guests, who will take up residence, get comfortable, and eventually become part of your identity. 

Linking up with A Pause on the Path and Finding Heaven

The Cure for a Grumbly, Critical Spirit

First thing this morning when I saw my 7^th grade son, he didn’t give me his usual good morning hug.  Instead he looked at me with disdain and asked me why I didn’t bring his shirts upstairs to his bedroom like he had asked after I washed and hung them to dry.  Excuse me? Don’t you mean “thank you mom for washing my clothes”?   He tried to argue with me and I told him he wasn’t going to win this one and moved on.  It left me feeling grumbly.

Last night in our small group Bible study on Ephesians, a dear friend said her husband brought her coffee every morning while she was in the shower.  She didn’t say it to brag, but to complain – that he should be showing love by doing the hard sacrificial things, not easy, routine things, and learning her ‘love language’.  Excuse me? Don’t you mean “thank you honey for bringing me coffee morning after morning”? Thank you for loving me regardless of which ‘love language’ you choose?

Hearing others grumbling stirred up critical feelings toward them, but as I was pointing, this time I saw the three fingers pointing back at myself. How often I catch my own self feeling entitled to something or expecting a behavior from someone that doesn’t line up with reality and leaves me feeling grumbly?

Grumbling and criticizing is a heart attitude that develops when things in life don’t unfold to our liking. It begins with how we interpret the facts.  We have the power to choose our interpretation.  We can choose the path that makes us passive victims of people’s remarks or of random incidents.  Or we could choose the path of gratitude.

Gratitude isn’t about psyching ourselves up to have a good attitude.  Choosing gratitude must flow from God, our reliable source.  In fact, He desires for us to be able to live feeling thankful in any and every circumstance.  He has to tell us to do this because thankfulness doesn’t come naturally.

Henri Nouwen believes that gratitude is a difficult spiritual discipline to constantly practice. “It is hard precisely because it challenges me to face my painful moments – experiences of rejection and abandonment, feelings of loss and failure – and gradually to discover in them the pruning hands of God purifying my heart for deeper love, stronger hope, and broader faith.”

Adele Calhoun beautifully describes thankfulness as a thread that combines together all the patchwork squares of our lives.  It is a discipline to choose to stitch our days together with the thread of gratitude.   

Gratitude not only squelches grumbling, but it annihilates the critical spirit, at least temporarily for as long as we are upstage the critical spirit by practicing gratitude. 

I just chatted with my son and we exchanged pleasant good-byes before he left to get on the school bus.  We showed each other we had moved on and weren’t holding a grudge over the earlier exchange.  Next Saturday I’ll be filled with gratitude as I watch him do his own laundry.

Linking up with Finding Heaven's SDG Party.