Letter to MarMar - #3, December 22, 2013

December 22, 2013

Dear MarMar,

It seems extra quiet here without you, though the ring of your laughter still echoes.  You have no idea how much I care because I cannot adequately express it without feeling dorky. 

You left for winter break a few days ago to be with your family in Texas.  I imagine it is an emotional time and that you are facing some ghosts. Remember how strong you have become.  Remember what you have found while you are here, even as hard as it has been.

Remember the vision I shared with you? You were standing on the beach, looking up at the sky, fists balled up and ready for a fight.  God then sent a hurricane-force wind and your long hair whipped around you and your hands opened up as you fought to stand your ground. But God wasn’t trying to destroy you or knock you down. The hurricane force of His love was penetrating every fiber of your being, and you finally relented. 

MarMar, when (if?) you come back for your last semester of high school, I will pray fervently for you every day that your chains will be broken, and I will know it’s not my job to do it.  I will let God do His work.

With much love,

Paula

Letter to MarMar #1

Letter to MarMar - #2, November 1, 2013

November 1, 2013

Dear MarMar,

I know you don’t need another mother, but it has not been easy trying to figure out what my relationship with you should be.  It hurts when you look me in the eye and lie.  And when you found out that it did, I think you hurt too.  You have been vague ever since, and I have let you be.

I spent hours worrying if you would come home safe, hoping you would not get behind the wheel under the influence of something that would bring harm to you or someone else. I have wrestled with what kind of life I would allow you to leave while under our roof, whether you were taking advantage of me, wanting to escape accountability.

But I also know that you probably felt hurt, hurt that I could not trust you, hurt that I assumed maybe you were acting self-destructively when perhaps you were not.  Please know that it was only because I care for you so deeply.  I want to spare you the pain and to cut the chains and set you free, but it’s really not my job.

With much love,

Paula

Letter to MarMar #1

Letter to MarMar - #1 - August 16, 2013

August 16, 2013

Dear MarMar,

It was a month ago that you arrived at our home for a two-week summer vacation.  I remember the hugs and tears of reunion with my daughter Emily and how your suitcase exploded in the middle of her room, firing clothes in every direction. 

It had been five years since we moved away, and immeasurable amounts of water of change have flowed under the bridge.  In your eyes I could see both defiance and vulnerability, and my heart melted all over again with love for you, as it had when you were 6.

One quiet morning when no one was around, I knelt on the floor, laid hands on your suitcase, and prayed fervently for you.  A beautiful young lady of 17, you knew how smart and beautiful you were most days, but you were blind to your own strength and vitality.  You were stuck in a relationship that was dragging you through the mud, and you wanted to let go, but couldn’t.  I prayed that Jesus would set you free. 

On July 30, God showed me that I needed to be ready to go where He leads in the moment, that it may not be in my schedule or at my convenience, but that He would use our home as the place of refuge that would release you from the chains of bondage.  It didn’t hardly seem possible at the time.  I knew if it were meant for you to be here, God would do a miraculous work of shoveling away all the obstacles.

And He did. 

And now you are here. You are a part of our home, a part of our family. I pray that you will feel peace, joy, love, that you will find freedom and that you will fall in love with Jesus. I know the days ahead will be long and difficult, for both of us, but I am excited to see what will emerge from the refining fire.

With much love,

Paula 

Oh, How He Loves You!

Not swirling and twirling

     in the gentle breeze,

         ignoring the tickling whispers,

             as before…

but now,

A gripping, pulling, engulfing

in the hurricane force

Unable to stand your ground

pulled along with the gale…

Will you ride along

Or will you resist

The winds of His lavish love that lead?