Ruth A. Tucker’s Black
and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope after Domestic
Abuse is her story of being stuck in a marital cycle of domestic violence
and how she finally escaped. She
provides hope and encouragement to overcome abuse and its damaging effects. This book is not normally one that would have
interested me, but I enjoy spiritual memoirs by educated, intelligent
women. The timing of this book also
peaked my interest due to the promotion of increased awareness of domestic
abuse in media and culture, as well as the effects of physical and emotional
abuse in lives of some dear friends of mine, whose marriages happen to be based
on male headship.
Ruth Tucker has been a professor who taught missions and
church history at evangelical seminaries and spent many years of marriage to a
pastor who blamed her lack of submission for his hateful ways. While she tells her story, she also includes
stories of other women’s experiences. She
integrates theological and biblical discussion and explains how both the church
and our culture have allowed the perversions of patriarchy and abuse of power. Furthermore, she also shares how she was able
to rebuild her life and find joy in a new marriage based on mutuality and
equality.
It was difficult to read of an intelligent, educated woman
being emotionally belittled and physically harmed, but her conversational style
and broadening her story to incorporate other aspects of the topic eased the
burden and inspired me. I researched some
of the stories of other women that she weaved within her own story, such as
Matt Chandler and the Village Church’s initial shunning of missionary Karen
Hinkley, quick to point the finger of blame at her when she sought an annulment
after her husband confessed to addiction to child porn. Not only within the church, in which many leaders
are not properly equipped to counsel marriages with domestic abuse, but within
culture, laws, and government, it is alarming to see the subtle ways that
misogyny continues to exist.
I was not aware of the breadth and depth of domestic
violence before reading Ruth Tucker’s memoir.
In light of my close friends who have suffered at the hands of emotional
and physical abuse in their marriages based on male headship, this book opened
my eyes to why they do not leave and increased my respect for my friends who
finally decided to end it, especially when their churches were to not supportive
of them leaving the marriage.
I may have wanted a male-headship marriage and held
complementarian views for many years until recently, but I am grateful that my
husband resisted and insisted on our egalitarian marriage of mutual submission,
love, and respect, now going on 24 happy years.
I highly recommend this book to all women, whether or not
they can personally relate to her story because it increases understanding and
awareness of domestic abuse.
Furthermore, I recommend this book to church leaders as well as men to
increase their awareness of issues that women face and how they might better
respond.
I received a
complimentary copy of this book from Zondervan in exchange for my honest
review.
