Seven Lessons Learned from a Heart Attack

My husband had a heart attack  6 weeks ago.  It was unexpected, shocking.  But God walked with me through the darkness and had a few things He wanted to show me.

1)      I am not alone.  The first moments in the hospital waiting room on a Saturday afternoon, it was entirely silent, only my body in the quiet space.  But I did not feel alone. I relished the quiet as the presence of Jesus engulfed me, filling me with peace and strength.  The moments of clinging to Jesus in quietness were precious.

2)      God manifests His presence in the form of loving family and friends, but does not mean for them to replace Him. Loving friends barged into the waiting room with hugs and encouragement, infusing me with strength.  I welcomed the interruption.  They helped divert my thoughts off myself and the crisis.  God did not intend that they squeeze Him out, but to be a physical reality of His nearness.  Later when they all left, He didn’t leave.  In the days after, I had to remember to turn to God and not let people take His place.

3)      I’m stronger than I thought I was, by His strength.   I always thought that if anything happened to my husband or children, it would be hard to even take the next breath of this life and function.  Sometimes people really do endure more than they can bear – they crack up, fall apart.  But God promises His grace is sufficient, and that His power will be made greater in our weakness.  I learned that maybe I really can survive without falling to pieces, that my life could go on, and that He would give me the strength I need if I will open my hands to Him and receive it.

4)      Joy is found in cherishing the moments and not taking the little things for granted. The hospital’s ICU kicked me out when visiting hours were over. When I returned to my empty, quiet house, all I could do was clean and try not to think about the “what if’s”.  As I swept my floor, I thought about my husband’s strong hands that laid the ceramic tile.  As I dusted, my heart melted at the thought of the book shelves he built with love for me.  As I slept alone in my bed, I longed to hear his heavy breathing next to me (even if it was his snoring). He wasn’t there, but the evidence surrounding me that he had been touched me. I never even really noticed before.

5)      It’s easy to let fear take the driver’s seat.  When I woke up early the following morning post crisis, I was attacked by the “what if’s”, starting with the biggest one of all – what if he had died?  Unless I hit the brakes on the circle of thoughts as they explored various avenues of my future, fear will take control and lead my emotions down a road to anxiety and panic.  I can’t just stop the fear or quit the “what if’s”. As soon as I catch myself, I have to replace those thoughts with something else, like remembering the things to be thankful for instead.  It’s not about being in denial of reality; it’s simply not worrying about what will be or what won’t be, preparing for the future but living in the present.

6)      I’m not in control, even if I try to be.  There’s a difference between being out-of-control and releasing control.  I couldn’t keep it from happening. I couldn’t control the speed of the doctors.  I couldn’t just close my eyes and make it all go away.  However, it wasn’t all utter chaos.  Someone else was in control, and I had to release myself to His control.  He already knew in advance this would happen.  It didn’t take Him by surprise. 

 

7)      God is good, regardless of the outcome.  I didn’t know if my husband would survive. Still, in those uncertain moments, God was assuring me He was good and He was in control, and it was okay if I didn’t understand.  He just wanted me to trust Him and remember His goodness and love for me.

 

He still has chest pain.  It scares me sometimes.  And the tornado that wiped out our old house and decimated the former neighborhood where we once lived in Moore, Oklahoma, I am reminded that a crisis could occur at any moment.  Any kind of crisis.  I could keep busy with worry.  I don’t want to live worrying about the next crisis, but when it happens, I know now that I have these seven lessons learned that I can hold onto firmly, and that the list of lessons will continue to grow.  And so will I.

Evicting Ungratefulness

Ungratefulness, bitterness, resentment – they become your acquaintances when life does not unfold the way you planned.  Having them around makes you feel suspicious and cynical when they whisper to you that you’ve suffered unjustly, that you are a victim of circumstances.    They keep you from seeking forgiveness and add difficulty to your relationships. When you’re not looking, they rob your joy.  They crave attention and invite others to their parties – pity parties.  

If you try to just ignore them, they do not naturally fade away.  If you don’t kick them out, they will set up house, get comfortable, and stay for as long as you let them.  They are exhausting company to keep.  If you cling to them, they will try to find a way to become your identity.  You become the things you are against.

Getting rid of them is no easy task. They are not just a single emotion or attitude that needs to be turned off.  If you kick them out, they will come back. 

But if you fill your house with other guests, there will be no room for them to stay.  Even better, you need to fill your house with guests that are incompatible to them. 

Gratitude – she becomes your acquaintance when you choose to see beyond the surface and see how God has led you to this moment through everything that has happened in the past, and with that is sending you into a future that is part of His plan if you yield to Him.  Gratitude will disintegrate the fatigue that comes from resentment and bitterness and move you forward to new possibilities, energizing you. 

Gratitude kicks out feelings of entitlement as you become aware of the abundance of gifts poured into your life.  With her around, you will see what you have as quickly as you see what you don’t have.  She helps you treasure and value other people just the way they are.  

And no matter what happens, if you allow gratitude to flow from the cross of Jesus into your life, you will be able to see that Jesus is the main house guest, changing your identity into something even more beautiful.  You will be able to keep Him near, no matter what happens, and gratitude is your friend that helps you along the way.

You get to choose your house guests, who will take up residence, get comfortable, and eventually become part of your identity. 

Linking up with A Pause on the Path and Finding Heaven

The Cure for a Grumbly, Critical Spirit

First thing this morning when I saw my 7^th grade son, he didn’t give me his usual good morning hug.  Instead he looked at me with disdain and asked me why I didn’t bring his shirts upstairs to his bedroom like he had asked after I washed and hung them to dry.  Excuse me? Don’t you mean “thank you mom for washing my clothes”?   He tried to argue with me and I told him he wasn’t going to win this one and moved on.  It left me feeling grumbly.

Last night in our small group Bible study on Ephesians, a dear friend said her husband brought her coffee every morning while she was in the shower.  She didn’t say it to brag, but to complain – that he should be showing love by doing the hard sacrificial things, not easy, routine things, and learning her ‘love language’.  Excuse me? Don’t you mean “thank you honey for bringing me coffee morning after morning”? Thank you for loving me regardless of which ‘love language’ you choose?

Hearing others grumbling stirred up critical feelings toward them, but as I was pointing, this time I saw the three fingers pointing back at myself. How often I catch my own self feeling entitled to something or expecting a behavior from someone that doesn’t line up with reality and leaves me feeling grumbly?

Grumbling and criticizing is a heart attitude that develops when things in life don’t unfold to our liking. It begins with how we interpret the facts.  We have the power to choose our interpretation.  We can choose the path that makes us passive victims of people’s remarks or of random incidents.  Or we could choose the path of gratitude.

Gratitude isn’t about psyching ourselves up to have a good attitude.  Choosing gratitude must flow from God, our reliable source.  In fact, He desires for us to be able to live feeling thankful in any and every circumstance.  He has to tell us to do this because thankfulness doesn’t come naturally.

Henri Nouwen believes that gratitude is a difficult spiritual discipline to constantly practice. “It is hard precisely because it challenges me to face my painful moments – experiences of rejection and abandonment, feelings of loss and failure – and gradually to discover in them the pruning hands of God purifying my heart for deeper love, stronger hope, and broader faith.”

Adele Calhoun beautifully describes thankfulness as a thread that combines together all the patchwork squares of our lives.  It is a discipline to choose to stitch our days together with the thread of gratitude.   

Gratitude not only squelches grumbling, but it annihilates the critical spirit, at least temporarily for as long as we are upstage the critical spirit by practicing gratitude. 

I just chatted with my son and we exchanged pleasant good-byes before he left to get on the school bus.  We showed each other we had moved on and weren’t holding a grudge over the earlier exchange.  Next Saturday I’ll be filled with gratitude as I watch him do his own laundry.

Linking up with Finding Heaven's SDG Party.

40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life - Book Review

I have a history of being victimized and crippled by my own negative thoughts.  Over-thinking and allowing damaging self-talk affects how we live and the quality of life.  God knew this when He told us to take every thought captive, to renew our minds, and be thankful in all things.  But practicing thought control has not been an easy task for me.  However, after reading Tommy  Newberry’s 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life, I have some tools to put into practice daily that will create a new habit in my thinking patterns.

The cute happy face on the cover of the book might give the notion that this is a fluffy positive-thinking book with little depth, but I was delightfully surprised that my first impression was wrong.  The book is a companion to The 4:8 Principle, which I read a couple years ago, but either one can certainly stand alone.  Basically, Newberry breaks down the same ideas in The 4:8 Principle into 40 short chapters of easily digestible chunks to help you absorb and exercise the concept of 4:8 thinking (based on Philippians 4:8 – Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy, think on these things).

Each chapter provides a lesson followed by the “Activate 4:8” application, which includes a drill to think about the day’s principle in your life, and the “Extra Mile” assignment to exercise the day’s concept.  A handy “Make it Stick” illustrates a few words on a sticky note for you to write down and keep reminding yourself throughout the day to live it.  Each chapter ends in a prayer, so the book would be handy during your morning devotional time to mentally equip you for the day ahead.

Tommy Newberry proclaims that “though God’s grace doesn’t demand mental discipline, living a life of joyful excellence must be preceded by it” (page 83).  In this book, Newberry shows you how to:

·         upload gratitude and download grace

·         be a proactive thinker, not a reactive thinking

·         be aware of what unleashes your darker thoughts and how to handle them

·         how to keep from delegating control of your emotional life to others

·         how to broadcast your blessings instead of fuel your negative emotions

·         recognize that what you think is a choice and how you interpret experiences is a choice

·         become proficient at interpreting events in a way that empowers you to improve them

·         interpret adversity to build your strength instead of drain your energy.

While this book is biblically based, it is not filled with Scriptures and the name of Jesus is not prolific, so I wouldn’t substitute it for another devotional.  (Interestingly, The 4:8 Principle is more explicit in its Christian-ness.)    I read the book in a few days from cover to cover, but now I want to assimilate the principles into my life, so I am currently reading it again and working through the exercises over the next 40 days.  This book is a constructive tool to use in transforming your thought life.  I am hoping that 4:8 thinking will become a more natural habit in my life as a result of the Holy Spirit working in me through this book.

For information about this book, the author, and excerpts, check out this book at the Tyndale House Publishers website:  40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for my honest review.

Why I Fell in Love with Memorizing Scripture

What was the point of all those assigned verses I memorized growing up in Sunday School and VBS? I was told to put His Word in my heart so that I would not sin.  But it didn’t seem to do much to help me not sin.  All that memorizing didn’t necessarily come with much understanding, either. But it DID help  me to feel self-righteous and good in my accomplishment to be able to brag about how many verses I had memorized. 

But looking back now, I see that none of it was useless.  Or meaningless.  I once read that memorizing Bible verses increases our understanding of the vocabulary through which the Holy Spirit speaks.  A combination of two big events in my life linked together to show this to be true, changing forever how I view Scripture memory.

Eight years ago, I can remember as vividly as yesterday when I was lying in a crisp hospital gown on the hard steel table in a chilly, sterile room. Waiting. Waiting with nerves on edge.  Had they forgotten about me? Another medical test to figure out why my liver enzymes were sky-rocket high.  This one was going to hurt – and I was fighting anxiety at the thought of being alert and watching as a long needle was to be inserted below my ribs for a liver biopsy.

As endless minutes turned into an hour, I needed to get a grip on my mind and take my thoughts captive.  So I set my mind on the book of Genesis and worked my way through each book of the Bible thinking of every verse I had ever memorized just to pass the time. I moved through the Old Testament fairly quickly, but that day the Spirit soothed my heart as I mulled over all the words that I knew during that long wait. 

The outcome of that day began the dawning of the realization that my future would consist of much waiting for doctors, procedures, and eventually perhaps a liver transplant - and that motivated me to commit God’s Word even more to my heart.  When there was nothing else to distract me, God had spoken to me through His Word that I had memorized.  From that day forward, I resolved to make Scripture memory a major part of my life for the unexpected days ahead.

The other event that changed my view of Scripture memory occurred around the same season of life. During my Systematic Theology class in seminary, we were required to memorize full passages of Scripture - around 15 verses long , writing  them word for word during quizzes for grades periodically throughout the course. When the course ended, I was no longer satisfied to memorize a single verse here and there.  I found joy in knowing verses within their passages, in their full context and meaning.  And I learned that I really COULD memorize a whole chain of verses in entire passages – I WAS capable! 

The theology course and the uncomfortable waiting experience in the hospital sparked my motivation to memorize like crazy. Greater familiarity with the Bible was paired with the ability to perceive the way it all links together, expecially when I sometimes confused on passage with another. I was hungry for more.

Not that I’ve been so diligent at Scripture memory in the eight years since those events.  I go through spurts – seasons that I am passionate and discipline to commit His Words to memory and seasons that I become lax and lazy, not wanting to work my brain so hard.  

I want to be better disciplined.  I want to memorize the Word so that I can understand God and all of life even more, so that it comes to life in my life - not just in the waiting moments but all the time. And it won't happen by accident.

He Will Come - Like the Rain: My Vacation Epiphany

While I was on a beach vacation with my family earlier this month in another country, I was hoping for refreshment and renewal. The bluest skies contrasted against the pearly-white beaches and the roaring of the surf while the sun warmed my skin left me in awe of God at His creativeness and His creation. But that was it.

My heart cried out for Him to speak to me, to give me epiphany-moment, to at least feel His nearness. But He didn’t.

Or I thought He didn’t. He didn’t feel near. He seemed far. When I opened the Bible, His words fell hollow and didn’t resonate with any part of my heart. 

But it was seven days of pure bliss with my family. 

Well, okay, it wasn’t pure bliss.  Besides the clanging from the kitchen below and the crying baby who was ignored by her mother on the floor above us night after night, sleep did not come easy on the hard bed. Our balcony view of the ocean was wonderful but the wind was so fierce that I couldn’t hang onto my Bible and my awful bitter cup of coffee at the same time.  Sand everywhere – in the bed, on the floor, in my ears.

I didn’t like the spoiled child in me that was quick to point out all the faults, so I tried to replace the negative thoughts with something positive, something to be thankful for.  I was thankful for – the good food that was being prepared below for us, the beauty of motherhood and marriage.  I was thankful for the Word of God in my hands and in my heart that I can carry everywhere I go. And I was thankful for the quiet and peacefulness of home and the best cup of coffee in the world that I could make in my very own kitchen. And I was thankful for earplugs.

By day 7, the day of departure, we had found rest, relaxation, and some connection with each other, but I felt like the vacation was a spiritual failure.  My connection with God was difficult to find, and I could not think of any special “God” moments that would define the trip.

But He wasn’t done.  As we taxied to the airport, little did I know that the next 24 hours would be filled with ‘opportunities’.

From the moment we hit the airport, the difficulties began. Not the petty kind that I had been whining about before. Two-hour lines, missed connecting flights, dealing with news of no available flights for five days, three hours of sleep in a hotel, getting up at 4am to be the first ones at the airport to fly standby, accidently leaving luggage in a taxi that drove off, watching my husband and children get on a plane to go home - without me because the pilot had a 'weight-limit' issue (105 pounds - really??).

God ‘arrived’ when the difficulties began. He had strengthened my husband and me, given us clear heads to think through the problems with patience, and enabled us to show our children how to handle circumstances beyond our control with dignity and grace.

And while I stood at the window with tears streaming down my cheeks watching them fly away and being watched by an audience of people, God was right there with me and He let me feel Him near. 

In the airport in Houston coming home -- that was when God gave me my epiphany moment. I would take a life of suffering and difficulties over a life of leisure and riches just so that I would know He was near and infusing me with strength.

I am home.  I long for Him.  And He comes like the rain.

I found the song “You’ll Come Like the Rain” sung by Misty Edwards on the blog "Finding Heaven". It was the first time I had heard it. The rhythm, minor key melody, the harmony, the repetitiveness   - when I listen to this song with my eyes closed and my heart open, it is my catalyst for feeling God’s nearness.

Lyrics:

My soul longs for You, my soul longs for you,

Nothing else will do nothing else will do.

I believe You will come like the rain.

You'll come like the rain.

So let it rain let it rain let it rain let it rain.

Hallelujah Hallelujah You'll make all things new.

 Linking with:
Lost in the Prairies...Found by God, Joy in this Journey, Working Kansas Homemaker, Getting Down with Jesus, and Graceful

Getting a Grip When under Attack

An accusatory text message, an assuming e-mail, a discovery of a lie or a bit of deceit… my initial knee-jerk reaction can turn the raindrop into a torrential downpour.  In this season of my life, I have been showered by small unexpected offenses that have the potential to evolve into damaging floods of emotion if I don’t pull out my umbrella of counsel from the Word of God.  With God’s counsel, I am becoming better at distinguishing the words that manipulate – words intended to cause guilt in order to maneuver for control.  Even more, God helps me to see through His perspective and enables me to get a glimpse from their shoes. Then the umbrella of grace, understanding and forgiveness deflects the words and keeps me from measuring the depth of offense.

But sometimes I am so slow to anger, it would almost seem my reaction is delayed as I mull over the assault.  Then it begins to gradually simmer and then boil up inside of me until I am no longer able to focus on my work. I start to question what is true. I question myself. I try to recall the history of progression. I mull over the facts versus the assumptions.  At some point, though, I have to get a grip on the barrage of thoughts and emotions. Ultimately, I want strength, Truth, and for my every thought and step to be in line with God’s will and purpose.    

I keep this prayer at my desk for times like these. It helps me feel strong, seek truth, and binds up my thoughts and emotions so that I don’t lose control:

In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind my body, soul and spirit to the will and the purpose of God.  I bind myself to the truth of God.  I bind myself to an awareness of the power of the blood of Jesus working in my life every day.  I bind my mind to the mind of Christ that I can have the thoughts, purposes and feelings of His heart in me.  I bind my feet to the paths you have ordained for me to walk, God, that my steps will be strong and steady.  I bind myself to the work of the cross with all of its mercy, truth, love, power, forgiveness and dying to self.

In the name of Jesus Christ, I bind  Satan and I loose his hold on everything he has ever stolen from me.  I rebuke his works and loose the power and effects of every deception, device, and influence he wants to bring against me.

Lord, I repent of having wrong attitudes and thoughts, I renounce them now and ask forgiveness.  I loose every old, wrong pattern of thinking, attitude, idea, desire, belief, habit, and behavior that may still be working in me.  I tear down, crush, smash, and destroy every stronghold I have erected to protect them. I bind myself to the overcoming behavior and spiritual desires that line up with the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

Father, I loose any strongholds in my life protecting wrong feelings I have against anyone.  Forgive me as I forgive those who have caused me pain, loss, or grief.  I loose any desires for retribution, or redress. 

In the name of Jesus, I loose the power and the effects of any harsh or hard words spoken about me or by me. I loose any strongholds connected with them. I loose all generational bondages and their strongholds from myself.

Thank you, Jesus, that you have promised whatsoever I bind and loose on earth will be bound and loosed in heaven.
Amen.

(If you know the source, let me know so I can credit the author)

Victim or Warrior – Choosing Unshakable Faith

My eyes flew open in surprise at 1:25am last night during the middle of a peaceful sleep.  “I have a lump on my breast!” I exclaimed into the darkness before it even registered if I was still dreaming or not.  My husband must have been awake because he answered, “Why are you touching your breasts in your sleep?”  I laughed. I had no idea, maybe I had an itch, but there was no doubt that the pea-sized lump at the edge of my breast near my armpit was there.  After my husband verified its existence, we laid there in silence for a while. I wondered how we would fall back to sleep.

I thought about my previous post, how much I want to walk so close to God that I can see His hand in every thing, every day, and trust Him so much that nothing shakes me.  Was this a test? I knew this had the potential to rattle me and fill me with anxiety.  This was not an unfamiliar road.

God knew it was there. He knows when it formed. He knows whether or not it is benign. He knew that I would discover it when I did. He knows the path in front of me and will guide me through each step for my good (yes, MY good) and His glory.  His consolation delighted my soul, and he calmed the anxious thoughts that could have multiplied.  The heavy breathing of my husband also soothed me. He is my rock, too, and if he could find rest, then I could too. Peaceful sleep returned to me.

As with any illness, we have a choice how to react. When the circumstance is beyond our control, will we give into pity and ask the why questions that only stirs up anxious thinking? Will we feel play the victim? Or will we fight with anger that leads to bitterness and blame? Or will we trust God and stand strong?

I don’t want to be a victim, nor do I want to be an angry warrior lashing out.  But I do want to be a warrior – a strong one who knows who the commander is!

I can’t change the circumstances, but I can choose my thoughts and my actions.  My next action will be to make a doctor appointment Monday morning. My next thoughts are to walk as closely to my heavenly Father as I can so He can keep me from victim-thinking and grow me into something stronger and more beautiful.

What Kind of Blogger Do I Want to Be?

I’ve struggled with knowing what to post lately or what kind of blogger I want to be. My last three posts have been strictly book reviews because of the forced accountability that comes from publishers who provide copies of new books with expectation of a review in a timely manner. 

A book review blogger is not who I want to be, though it is something I enjoy periodically.  A humorous or light-hearted writer is someone I’d love to be, but it’s not who I am.  A technical writer is more in line with my profession, but it’s not what I want to blog.  Devotional blogging just comes across too corny and shallow for me.

Yet something in me compels me to write, and blogging forces me to go beyond journaling.  The process of becoming a better writer is much too snail-like, but when I look back, the trail is truly visible. The trail in front of me is too foggy to see, but I know it exists. It’s a gradual transformation, just as my faith journey is gradual.

While I was in seminary, I was certain God had called me to write. My surroundings fade and time disappears when I am studying the Word and organizing information and ideas.  How God wants me to link my passion with writing or blogging is a mystery in progress. 

Gradual transformation, sanctification, growing in faith, becoming more like Jesus, walking so close to God that I can see His hand in everything everyday and trusting Him so much that nothing shakes me – this subject is my passion.  The books I review, the things that I study, and the words that I write revolve around this. This is the blogger I want to be.

As Silver Refined, by Kay Arthur - Book Review

If you are weary of the deceiver taking your thoughts captive, or if you often allow your thought process to send you into a spiral of defeat, Kay Arthur’s magnificent book As Silver Refined: Answers to Life’s Disappointments, can help you break the cycle.  The core of this book centers on the truth that life’s disappointments are actually God’s appointments to make us more like Christ.

Kay Arthur explains that you must know how to handle disappointment head on, in the battlefield of the mind, before you find yourself slipping and spiraling downward into the deadly D’s – discouragement, dejection, depression, and  despair. It is essential to blast out  disappointment with biblical truth, and she provides insights that will change your perspective and help you practice taking every thought captive before it grows into a stronghold. 

She addresses the issues of failure, regret, stress, physical pain, emotional anguish, etc.  While thoroughly explaining the sovereignty of God and His character, she also provides tools for overcoming strongholds, learning victory over dejection and despair, and practicing the secrets to everyday endurance.  In 15 chapters, she applies Bible verses abundantly and sprinkles brief stories of her own humbling experiences that felt like failures at the time but were actually used by God to transform her character to be more like His. 

A study guide in the last third of the book would be a great resource for either a women’s Bible study or for personal use to examine Scripture and process the truth in relation to past, present, and future. The questions are thought-provoking and present great opportunity for lively discussion.

During the duration of time spent reading this book, I was repeatedly pummeled by disappointing circumstances beyond my control.  I clung to the thesis of this book and absorbed every word, which brought me comfort beyond measure.  This is among one of my most favorite books that I have ever read, perhaps because it was so timely. I want to soak up every single word and saturate myself so fully with trust in God’s sovereignty so that I transform my thinking of disappointments into His appointments.  I will be reading this book again and again.

Check out chapter 1: http://www.scribd.com/doc/53092241/As-Silver-Refined-by-Kay-Arthur-Chapter-1-Excerpt

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group in exchange for this review.

God's Plan

"God has a plan for your life," I told my daughter nearly every night ever since she was a baby. I wanted her to know that God had a purpose in her existence and to feel her sense of worth. 

One night when she was four years old and I was tucking her in bed, she asked, "Where is my plant?"

"Your plant?" I questioned, furrowing my forehead in confusion.

"Yes, my plant!" she insisted. "You keep telling me God has a plant for my life and I keep wondering when He's going to give it to me."

She is 15 years old now, and whether God has a plant or a plan, she still wants it now.  She wants to see the blueprint of her life all mapped out - college, career, husband, family, etc.  At least she is firmly convinced that God has something in mind for her.

Or is that such a good thing? She is so firmly certain that God has a plan for her life, that her choices that she makes now will not necessarily impact that. In fact, she says that maybe God wants her to make specific mistakes so she can be more usable.

This thinking is totally foreign to me.  When I was a teenager, I never really felt for certain God had a plan for my life, and if He did, I was pretty certain I kept messing it up. I figured He gave up on me. I know better than that now. This is why it seemed so important for me to let my children know that they were significant to God and He had a plan and purpose for their existence.

It's hard trying to teach the balance between God's sovereignty and our responsibility.  Just because God has a plan doesn't mean it will be fulfilled when we deliberately choose our own way instead of His. Maybe it would have been better if I had said that God had a "dream" for her life.

God has a dream for how He wants us to live and how we become a greater reflection of Him. But sometimes we resist. Sometimes we can choose sin. Sometimes we think our own way is easier or we'll miss out on something if we go His way. Sometimes we can turn our back on Him and the dream might never be realized. Then we miss it.

But I also think that when we've missed it and we turn back to Him, he weaves our mistakes into the plan, His dream, and can change them into something beautiful. The biggest key is in our turning back to Him.  Still, the road might be more difficult as a result of our choices.  But for God, nothing is wasted.

Just when Satan thinks he's winning, God graciously takes the defeat and turns it into a magnificent victory.  Just like the cross.  Except in the cross, there were never any "mistakes".  Jesus was obedient to the very end. God knew before He created the world that there would have to be the cross.

So how do we live God's plan for our lives? I think that no matter what is thrown our way, He wants us to lean hard on Him, depend on Him, follow His ways. He wants us to know Him and His ways more by studying the Scripture and listening to the assurances He places on our hearts. He wants us to talk to Him and to listen so that we can see from His perspective. He wants us to believe Him, trust Him, and to obey Him.  He wants us to love others and to show them His greatness. 

If we are doing these things, then we are living His plan, no matter where the road takes us--even if it doesn't fit the neat little map we have pictured in our minds, even if it's through the valleys of the shadow of death.  It's always worth it to obey the Father and trust Him - just like Jesus.  If we do, in the end our joy will be full and complete.

Insecurity

I yearn to have a steadfast, trusting heart and to live in the knowledge that I am living a life where nothing is wasted.  Even in the foggy mist where I can barely see the next step in front of me, I desire to smile because I know His plan is good and right, and He is right at my side carrying me through everything. 

In Beth Moore’s book So Long Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us, her use of Scripture from the perspective of insecurity slapped me upside the head and told me to live my identity in Christ – to be clothed with strength and dignity.  Here are some notes that I took while reading the book that I never want to forget:

Insecurity is…

·         not a weakness, but an unbelief – not believing what God says about you.

·         a thief that steals your dignity.

·         a downward spiral that snowballs.

Signs of Insecurity:

·         Things come to you more as an offense rather than rolling off your back.

·         Perfectionism – an aspiration to be better than others or always feeling horribly inadequate

How to Walk in Security:

• Determine your triggers of insecurity.  Decide whether or not you are going to take the boot.  You have a scriptural covering that should give you the courage to expose your most personal self.
• Actively will to walk in security – it won’t happen by accident.  Renew your thinking. Don’t believe the lies. Remind yourself that a situation does not have the power to define or diminish you.

·         Attitude is everything – you have the power to choose to think the best or worst about someone.

·         Process something negative without letting it automatically make you insecure.  Who the other person is or how they react does not dwarf who you are. 

·         Give yourself to something greater.  Lose yourself to something larger.  Christ showed us the way.

·         Allow your heart to heal instead of harden. “Grace is the only thing you can give away that you can also keep.”  Grace is not meant to be an excuse for remaining in bondage but is meant for making you completely new. 

Beth Moore references scriptures and shares stories in a conversational style that helps you understand why you think and act the way you do along with solutions to kick insecurity out of your life.  I keep a copy of the prayer at the end (page 348) on my desk at work to read periodically – not just when I feel insecure, but when I feel fatigued or worried or just need to draw strength from my joy in Christ.

How to Prepare for the Journey in 3 Easy Steps

Be prepared in 3 easy steps? If only it were that easy!

I am preparing for another big event in my life – something I dreamed for, longed for, and prayed for over the last 2 ½ years, something that seemed wild and impossible, something that required difficult circumstances to bring it to fruition.  I know God placed the desire on my heart way back then, but I also know that if I am not spiritually prepared, it could shatter my world into pieces.  It is complex, delicate, holds so much promise but also much potential for heartache.  

I so desperately want to be prepared. 
I have 3 weeks. 

Is there something systematic I can do? A certain book of the Bible I should study in depth for this season? A Bible study that will prepare me? A list that I can check off so that when I’m done, I know I’m ready for all that God has in store for us?

As far as I know, there is no system, no list to check off.  The Holy Spirit has been repeating to me that there is only one thing I must do: depend completely on Him -- keeping my eyes on Jesus.  How?

•  Pour out your dependence on God daily

•  Continue in conversation with Him throughout the day

•  Be open to Scripture He lays on your heart to meditate on or memorize

•  Turn your uncertainties and worries into gratitude and worship

•  Meditate on His character, His ways and His promises

But what if I also practiced these through the humdrum activities in my daily life?  How much do I miss by not paying attention to what God is doing when I'm on auto-pilot? 

If I can turn these preparations into habits in my life - all the time, every day, every moment - then maybe I can be in ready-mode for anything. If I do, I will open my eyes to what God is already doing, and be a part of it.  My life will be fuller and richer in the routine and mundane of daily life as well as the life-changing events. I want the abundant life! 

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