My transformation seems to be much more like a weird half-frog from a tadpole than a beautiful butterfly from a caterpillar. I upset a dear friend last week to the point of anger. When she had reached her saturation point of tolerance for this character flaw that I had been unaware of, she exploded in anger. I cried for hours that I had hurt her so badly, repeatedly, without even knowing, and I begged for her forgiveness. Then I cried out to God to change me, to show me how flawed I was in all my relationships and to transform me so that I could pour out love and grace in my actions. I could think and feel it in my heart and speak it with my words, but if my actions don’t show it, then what’s the point? Am I really being transformed?
I found some encouraging words for my gradual transformation at the blog post titled “Letter to an Incomplete, Insecure Teenager” on the Desiring God Blog at http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/letter-to-an-incomplete-insecure-teenager. John Piper encouraged me to not be surprised at the weirdness and slowness of the process. God did not intend for our metamorphosis to be easy, just certain. As we learn the thousands of lessons that He teaches us in life, we can be amazed to realize that nothing is ever wasted.
While I could continue examining myself and how I should be different and more like Jesus, I must instead focus my eyes upward and not waste too much emotional energy on introspection. John Piper encouraged me to then shift my introspection to amazement at God – seeing the unseen, seeing God in everything. He says to look. Look. Look Look. When we behold the glory of God, then we are being changed.
Another metamorphosis is awaiting us, one that is so complete and so amazing…but for now, I will be amazed at the process of becoming a frog.