My transformation seems to be much more like a weird half-frog from a tadpole than a beautiful butterfly from a caterpillar. I upset a dear friend last week to the point of anger. When she had reached her saturation point of tolerance for this character flaw that I had been unaware of, she exploded in anger. I cried for hours that I had hurt her so badly, repeatedly, without even knowing, and I begged for her forgiveness. Then I cried out to God to change me, to show me how flawed I was in all my relationships and to transform me so that I could pour out love and grace in my actions. I could think and feel it in my heart and speak it with my words, but if my actions don’t show it, then what’s the point? Am I really being transformed?
I found some encouraging words for my gradual transformation at the blog post titled “Letter to an Incomplete, Insecure Teenager” on the Desiring God Blog at http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/letter-to-an-incomplete-insecure-teenager. John Piper encouraged me to not be surprised at the weirdness and slowness of the process. God did not intend for our metamorphosis to be easy, just certain. As we learn the thousands of lessons that He teaches us in life, we can be amazed to realize that nothing is ever wasted.
While I could continue examining myself and how I should be different and more like Jesus, I must instead focus my eyes upward and not waste too much emotional energy on introspection. John Piper encouraged me to then shift my introspection to amazement at God – seeing the unseen, seeing God in everything. He says to look. Look. Look Look. When we behold the glory of God, then we are being changed.
Another metamorphosis is awaiting us, one that is so complete and so amazing…but for now, I will be amazed at the process of becoming a frog.
It is far easier for me to see the work of God through the experiences of my daughter, my church, and even my friends. I have always seen a person's pathway, the things they would need to be encouraged, nudged, changed, and even abruptly pulled back onto the right path, the path God prepared through them and for them. Sounds like you bumped hard into one of those hard obstacles that will help you on your path.
ReplyDeleteI confess that it is far more difficult to see my own path clearly, of course. Even the wisest of men, Solomon, was rather unwise in how he handled his own household. I have lost two very close, long friendships because our paths divided sharply, even quite painfully, but I learned that it is rarely a lesson just for one person; your friend also is learning something God has put before her and both of you will benefit from it if you are seeking His heart...even if it should cost your friendship.
The beneficial side of "wanting to be right" works the best when we want to be right with God.
I love the tadpole to frog analogy over the caterpillar to butterfly one. I can certainly relate.
ReplyDeleteTo be transformed into His likeness - that is truly my heart's desire.
I appreciate your sensitivity to your friend's hurt. Rather than becoming defensive you heard her. Truly heard her. Because it changed you.
Great post.
Paula thank you for sharing Blessings.
ReplyDeletePaula, thank you for your transparency! I had something similar happen between me and a good friend several years back. Cried, asked God's forgiveness and hers. Never quite healed. We are no longer friends, sad to say. Yet, God was already moving us in very different directions. I didn't see it at the time but looking back in retrospect I see it more clearly now. I mourned this 10 yr. friendship. You never know how God will use this situation to transform you and your friend. He is working ALL things together for the good!
ReplyDeleteOhhh this one so touched my heart. I think we can all relate!
ReplyDeleteI remember a pastor's wife once telling me "view everything as preparation". I asked "for what?" She responded, "Only God knows, trust Him to use it all for good."
As for introspection - we can spend all day with our heads down 'navel gazing' to see what's in there. Or we can spend our time looking up and out and asking God "what's in store for today?" I know that sounds flippant, but it's the way I'm trying to live a transformed life. (Notice the word 'trying'.)
Blessings my friend,
Deb