I wanted this time to be different. Without words, the technician reminded me that it could be and would be, if I would just keep my eyes focused on Jesus. She didn’t have to say it. Her compassion, the way she tried hard to keep me comfortable and informed with everything she was doing and why, with a smile – it all kept my mind focused on the current moment instead of future possibilities. She was a tool in God’s hands, exhibiting the peace of Jesus.
But God wanted to give me more than peace. The mammogram results showed the need to move on for an ultrasound. While lying on the ultrasound table, alone, waiting for another technician to return with the radiologist’s findings, God showed me that He wanted something from me. He wanted me to surrender to Him. To surrender everything. Even my breasts. He wanted me to be able to trust Him even if I were to lose them and face the emotional challenge to my femininity. So I did. I knew that regardless of the outcome, He would somehow use it and grow me. Every pain or hurt placed in His hands would be used for great purpose so long as I give it to Him.
If not for the technician, who was like Jesus in scrubs, would I have been as open to hearing His message to me that day? Would I have known that He wanted me to surrender or would I have been too busy mulling over all the possibilities of the future?
The outcome was favorable and I can close this chapter of difficulty for the time being, but others swirl around me. As I continue to live surrendered, maybe I can be like the technician, who was like the presence of Jesus to me. Maybe a smile, compassion, or truth spoken with just the right words at just the right time – maybe I also have been and can be like Jesus to those around me – Jesus in dress slacks, Jesus in blue jeans, Jesus in pajamas.
Thank you to my blogging friends who encouraged me and prayed for me - like Jesus in cyberspace.