Victim or Warrior – Choosing Unshakable Faith

My eyes flew open in surprise at 1:25am last night during the middle of a peaceful sleep.  “I have a lump on my breast!” I exclaimed into the darkness before it even registered if I was still dreaming or not.  My husband must have been awake because he answered, “Why are you touching your breasts in your sleep?”  I laughed. I had no idea, maybe I had an itch, but there was no doubt that the pea-sized lump at the edge of my breast near my armpit was there.  After my husband verified its existence, we laid there in silence for a while. I wondered how we would fall back to sleep.
I thought about my previous post, how much I want to walk so close to God that I can see His hand in every thing, every day, and trust Him so much that nothing shakes me.  Was this a test? I knew this had the potential to rattle me and fill me with anxiety.  This was not an unfamiliar road.
God knew it was there. He knows when it formed. He knows whether or not it is benign. He knew that I would discover it when I did. He knows the path in front of me and will guide me through each step for my good (yes, MY good) and His glory.  His consolation delighted my soul, and he calmed the anxious thoughts that could have multiplied.  The heavy breathing of my husband also soothed me. He is my rock, too, and if he could find rest, then I could too. Peaceful sleep returned to me.
As with any illness, we have a choice how to react. When the circumstance is beyond our control, will we give into pity and ask the why questions that only stirs up anxious thinking? Will we feel play the victim? Or will we fight with anger that leads to bitterness and blame? Or will we trust God and stand strong?
I don’t want to be a victim, nor do I want to be an angry warrior lashing out.  But I do want to be a warrior – a strong one who knows who the commander is!
I can’t change the circumstances, but I can choose my thoughts and my actions.  My next action will be to make a doctor appointment Monday morning. My next thoughts are to walk as closely to my heavenly Father as I can so He can keep me from victim-thinking and grow me into something stronger and more beautiful.


  1. Praying for you! You are a warrior, and will continue to be. God bless.

  2. I am learning this too, control what we can and take charge of ourselves rather than let others (or situations) direct us. but always, always stay in step with faith.

    I pray for your well-being Paula.

  3. I'm reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
    You are a prime example of that verse and I pray first that this is nothing and that God would heal you from whatever it might be. Then I pray that the Holy Spirit will continue to grant you peace and assurance that God is in control and you can rest in Him.
    Hugs and prayers,

  4. Praying that God will grant you strength and peace.

  5. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement! God granted me strength and peace in the process. He is so good!

    1. Praying that God continues to bless you with strength, courage and His all encompassing shalom every step of the way. I second the words of They call me Deb.


  6. hi neighbor...such truth those darkest of times...we do choose...praying for Grace and Peace to be your companions as you wait...
    blessings to you today...