"I said I was sorry, what more do you want?!"
If you ever say these words in exasperation, you need apology training. 

5 Ways You Should Not Apologize:
1)    “I’m sorry!!!”
Translation: “You’re stupid for reacting that way and it’s really all your fault.”

The tone of how you say it means everything. Words just as an effort to appease the other person are ineffective.  Silence is better than compounding the pain with words you don’t mean.

2)    “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
Translation: “You are too sensitive.” 

The “if” implies that the other person is responsible for being hurt instead of you. It transfers the guilt onto their shoulders implying that their response is the problem, not your action. It’s a double-whammy of pain.

3)    “I’m sorry, but…”
Translation: “I’m justified in what I did/said and I’m not going to apologize for it.” 

It doesn’t matter what the rest of the sentence says. The “but” negates the rest of the apology. The “but” justifies your actions and you might as well say that the other person deserved what they got.

4)    “I’m sorry I hurt you, but I didn’t mean to.”
Translation: “What I did/said was justified and it doesn’t really matter how you feel about it.”

This is a combination of #2 and #3 above with the addition of making yourself seem noble in the process. Why bother apologizing?

5)    “I’m sorry that you got hurt.”
Translation – “It’s not my fault that you’re so sensitive.”

Really? There is nothing in this statement that resembles an apology because it removes you from any action or fault and places it entirely on the other person.

The right way to apologize:
1)    Wait until you are truly sincere and the other person is ready to listen.
2)    Acknowledge that what you did was hurtful.
3)    Do not try to justify it; admit fault.
4)    Express concern and sorrow.
5)    Ask for forgiveness.

Is it REALLY so hard to say: “Hey, what I did was wrong and was my fault. I am sorry for hurting you. Will you please forgive me?”

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32

Disclaimer: This post was not inspired by any current event.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! This is great stuff. Apologies, both giving them and accepting them, are so hard.